All right now, in my previous article on how to improve your sense of humor, I did briefly talk about ‘body language’ and how massive of an impact it can have on how people perceive you. It is a major part of communication skills and that’s precisely what we are gonna see in this article: how to put up a confident body language that not just blows them away, but sweeps them off of their feet, totally.
Your body language lays the stepping stones of your aura. Think of it, a person you have never met, what’s the first thing you are gonna consciously or unconsciously notice about him? His body language. How he carries himself, the way he walks, his posture, and all of that.
Body language is the most common language of the world and also it’s the most bizarre one. Firstly, it’s a silent language. The most common unspoken language in the world and yet can leave a lasting impact on the other party. Sometimes what words fail to describe, the body language compensates for it and fills up the gaps.
Also, let me take a moment to address one of the pressing issues in most of the readers’ minds which is that having confident body language or an impressive personality is natural and can’t be developed. Well, nothing can be further away from the truth. You can very well develop your personality whenever you want.
People who you think are simply naturally attractive, are actually just ahead of you in the race. But that doesn’t mean that you should stop trying and give it all up. If anything, you should be inspired by them and have the attitude that if others can do it, then so can you. All in all, we must learn about how to carry a confident body language that charms the shit out of people and makes us more likable. So, without further ado, let’s get right to the nitty-gritty details and make the most out of it.
I know, right? Your eyes are probably the first thing the person approaching you notices before anything else. So, you can’t let this opportunity slip by and you should aim to maximize your returns simply by understanding more about this investment.
I don’t know if you have noticed, but your eyes ooze emotions out of it. There are angry eyes and happy eyes, gloomy eyes and laughing eyes, eyes that say you are so screwed, and eyes that cry ‘I am so screwed’. Ideally, you should try to keep a positive and happy set of eyes to make the other person feel comfortable and at home. Involve your eyes in the conversation in such a way that they complement it. Your eyes should be the crown of your confident body language and one shouldn’t hold back from flaunting its crown.
Now, you don’t have to stare to such an extend to intimidate or make the other person uncomfortable and neither should you not make eye contact at all. While there is no set number or rule, I’d say keep healthy eye contact for roughly 60-70% of the conversation. It will show that you are paying attention to the conversation without looking creepy or a pervert. Oh, and please don’t look down, that’s a huge turnoff.
Not making eye contact at all can be a sign of weakness and vulnerability. It can also mean that one is ashamed or embarrassed or simply a wuss or is not interested in the conversation at all. Not exactly the confident body language you are aspiring to imbibe.
Your Smile is Your Best Accessory
It’s rightly said that ‘the smile is the most beautiful attire you can ever wear’ and I couldn’t agree more. It is probably the most attractive and elegant part of the body, yet sometimes we totally snub it and how.
So busy chasing things and desires, accumulating materialistic possessions that we forget it’s these kinds of things that matter at the end of the day. No one’s gonna be impressed by your fancy mansions or sports cars if you have a frown or scowl on your face all the time. Why not use this magnificent piece of art, the most expensive jewelry, the most valuable add-on one can ask for?
Now, I know you must have a lot of questions regarding smiles. How much to smile? Do I show my teeth or not? Should I make noises while smiling? How much should I extend my smile? And a lot more.
Well, here’s the thing, there is no hard and fast rule for this line of questioning. As long as it’s genuine and natural and not forced or a cold grin, you are gonna be fine. Simply go with the flow. You don’t necessarily have to make a mountain of a mole. And if you think so much about it then you are gonna make a fool out of yourself.
It’s basically a gesture or a symbol that you are delighted to be talking to the person. Think of it as a token of validation and appreciation. When you go meet someone, how would you feel if they greet you with a warm smile as opposed to when they put on a nasty grimace? Got the point?
A Good Handshake Emanates A Confident Body Language
Handshake is a pretty integral part of the social culture. And yet, a good chunk of people are still clueless as to how to actually shake hands in the right manner without embarrassing themselves. There’s a suave to it which you should be aware of.
Don’t pull out your hand with your palm either facing the sky or the ground. They both are a big no-no when it comes to having confident body language. Your palm facing up shows a lack of strength, confidence and displays a weak character, automatically deteriorating the rapport. Your palm facing down shows an arrogant, patronizing, and authoritarian attitude which isn’t really cherished.
Your palm should ideally be parallel to the other’s palm. Have a firm grip, neither too tight(shows you’re bullying or dominating) nor too loose(weak or uninterested). Look them in the eye with a warm smile while shaking your hands. Plain and simple.
Hand Gestures Are Crucial
While we are at handshakes, let’s include the whole arms too. Using your hands to give colors to your words and drawing a rough picture in the air of what you are trying to say is an amazing way to portray confident body language.
It shows that you are genuine, authentic, know what you are saying, and believe in it wholeheartedly. What a sheer wastage of invaluable assets for those who are not adept at using the full potential of their arms!
Hand gestures are a prominent way of facilitating more context and meaning more easily and effectively. It makes you look more creative, confident, and cerebral; and it leaves a lasting impact on others by emphasizing the crux points of your speech. No reason why one shouldn’t be applying it in your daily life conversations.
Now, again, the rule of thumb for having confident body language is that you neither have to overdo something just because you read it on the internet nor constraint from doing something that defines who you are. You shouldn’t do something that goes against your values, fundamentals, and who you are from the core. That will look fake and forced and people will immediately catch you. Look at your surroundings, where you are, and who you are talking to, and accordingly mold yourself.
So, if I say to use hands, don’t instantly start dancing around showing your stupid hands if you are going for a job interview or something. Instead, imbibe the advice gracefully and gradually integrate it with your natural self.
Fidgeting Kills your Confident Body Language
This one’s really important. Shaking your legs, tapping your feet, curling your hair, cracking your knuckles, biting your nails (do people still do that?), scratching your face or your head, picking your nose(guilty of this one), or any other annoying habits you are a prey of, stop doing it, please. Sometimes you might not even be aware that you are doing them in the first place which is why you gotta be self-conscious about how you act.
These habits can have a rather deteriorating effect and can leave a nasty stain on your rather perfect ‘confident body language’. Generally, it shows your lack of interest or lack of confidence and is a testament to the fact that you might be trying to hide your embarrassment or weakness, or vulnerability behind your unappealing habits.
Even when you are all by yourself, you should refrain from doing such activities because if you don’t limit it when you are alone it will become a habit of yours that will be much harder to overcome when in public. If you are carrying yourself well when you are alone, there is a strong possibility that you are gonna do well when you are out there, and vice versa.
Now comes the postures. The cardinal rule for postures is to keep your spine straight, at all times. Whether you are walking, running, sitting, or laying down; try to keep your back straight. Not only does it make you look instantly confident, but it’s also healthy for your bodily functions. Stop the slouching, bending, and torturing your spine.
Then I want you to keep this one line in your mind: “Open is attractive and acceptive, close is unattractive and repulsive. ”
Look at your posture from now on. Is it open or closed? Do you sit with your arms and legs crossed? When talking to someone do you fold your arms?
These are called closed postures or the blocking/defensive pose, which signifies that you have stopped taking any interest in the other party. Some people might even take it as an insult, and I wouldn’t blame them. Steer clear of these habits and poses that are inhibiting you from a confident body language.
Be open, keep your arms and legs open, show them you are very much interested in what the other person has to say. It will signify that you are open to new ideas, thoughts, and beliefs; which is needed for a growing and learning brain. Take it this way, keeping an open stance is you taking whatever they are saying directly to your heart and soul. It strengthens the connection and deepens the bond.
Slightly leaning in when talking to someone shows that you are interested in what he/she has to say. Mirroring the other person is also a great way to demonstrate that you are following what they are saying and are into the conversation.
In life, you can either respond by staying defensive and squeezing and contracting yourself or by staying open and expanding and showing some goddamn confidence. And the way you pose affects the way you talk, and more importantly, it changes the whole context of what you talk about.
You don’t think you can show any authority and create any pressure on the other person if you are all crouched up and hiding in a small space you have reserved for yourself now, do you? Now, this doesn’t mean you become too aggressive and start shoving your fingers at people’s faces. Simply staying calm, composed, keeping your muscles relaxed, owning the space, widening your stance, toning your gait will do the trick.
Fake it Till you Make it
Oh boy, it works like a charm. There has been enough research1 in this arena to showcase that simply making a confident body language can help you combat stress and anxiety, boost your morale, and help overcome nervousness and fear.
And come to think of it, what’s the possible downside to this? The worst possible outcome is that you may make a fool of yourself or become a laughing stock at times. But hey, that’s much better than living a life under the hood and following someone else’s lead all the time because you can’t muster the confidence to showcase who you really are.
So, don’t waste another second and start showing your confident self to the world. Tell me in the comments which trick helped you the most?
In the end, having confident body language comes down to that famous proverb that you might have come across on Instagram which goes like this, “Walk as if you are the King, or you don’t care about who the King is.”
That kinda sums it all up now, doesn’t it? It surely answers the ‘why you should hone a confident body language’ and it also conveys the essence of how it can matter so much. Both the scenarios, whether you behave like you are the one, or you don’t care about who is the one oozes confidence and makes you look attractive.
Be aware of your physical self. Do everything with confidence and exuberance. Walk with confidence, sit with confidence, eat, sleep, talk with confidence. Hell, make ‘confidence’ your best friend, your better half, and it will surely make your life a whole lot better.
So, I explained the why, I rambled the ‘how’ part, now it’s up to you what you are gonna paint with all the colors I have provided you with. It better be one hell of a portrait. Go, charm some people off!